Writing project 1 replys

Alexis Aldana's Rough draft

I love you're first paragraph. I found it extremely detailed and interesting. You presented the space very well and it made me clearly imagine the space you were talking about. The first paragraph was really well written and made me love your perspective on your space. Then when you used your senses to greater visualizing the space based on what it looks like, what it smells like, and even how it sounds. Then towards the end when you talked about racial diversity and how the space was like a level playing field where people didn’t look at race or skin color but a fellow student that point, that was a great point to incorporate into your writing, but maybe you could of went into more detail about the racial equality because that in it itself could have been an entire paragraph in your rough draft. Another solid part of your paper was when you discussed why and how that space is special to you was a great ending, it provided a great detailed perspective and insight to why you selected the M.U. as your space because you wrote entirely from your own point of view which made it different and individual to you. Grading wise you met all of the requirements and your quote was awesome and completely relevant to the point you were trying to make. When you write your final draft try to tie the last 2 paragraphs to your main thesis or add it in your conclusion .Your essay was very good and I enjoyed reading your perspective.

Cerelia Torres

To start off with your introduction it was written well and I enjoyed the little bit of humor you injected into your writing it makes reading it a lot easier, because it seems like you enjoyed writing it. Back to your introduction I enjoyed your examples of why people use the library because they are things we all need in college, but maybe you could include more detail about the library in the intro.  Your second paragraph had all of the detail and it was really intriguing how you presented your space with not just a visual of walking inside but the atmosphere and how it even smelled, made the library seem like an almost magical place. I also like how you incorporated your lens into the writing it was a great part in your essay for you to present your lens through which you are writing this essay, but you could of went into more detail about you lens and exactly your lens was contributing to the paragraph. I also liked how you talked about the rue=les of the library that everyone just understands, no signs, no direction required, because when you in the Hayden library everyone changes their etiquette and knows that the library is cut off from the outside and in here is where students come to get work accomplished and you discussed about it in great detail which was my favorite point in your paper. Your conclusion was strong and sounds and I think you hit all of the requirements with ease and I enjoyed reading your writing.